


When Harry Met Leon

by willowoftheriver



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types, Silent Hill
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Gen, Humor, OOC, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Random & Short, old fic, you know they smoke those herbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2373761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowoftheriver/pseuds/willowoftheriver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow, Harry Mason stumbles out of Silent Hill and into a small village in Spain. And then, into the Kijuju Autonomous Zone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Iron Pipe vs Shotgun

Harry Mason wasn't sure how, exactly, he had managed to enter a hospital room in the town of Silent Hill and come out in what looked to be a remote, decaying village in some foreign country, or possibly Texas, though he supposed that it was just the town attempting to once again mess with his mind.

Or, if he wanted to theorize, he could completely crazy, and the whole of his ordeal was just an elaborate hallucination that he dreamed up to mentally escape confinement in an institution.

Harry, however, liked to think that what was happening to him was real, and therefore he prudently tried to exit out the door he had come through to avoid the hoards of demons that were likely ahead.

To his surprise, it opened, though instead of leading back to the gore covered realm of Silent Hill, it opened into a small, wooden hut.

There were several shelves scattered around the tiny room, most of which were littered with remains of broken wood, which looked as though they might've once formed crates. Across the room was a rough wooden table, on which an antique typewriter sat.

Nothing in the room seemed particularly sinister, though Harry was still on edge, mostly because of the heavily armed blond man who was currently aiming a shotgun at his head.

"Don't shoot!" exclaimed Harry, though he didn't dare drop his own gun. Maybe if he shot first . . . though, that shotgun looked awfully powerful. And destructive.

The man blinked and lowered his gun slightly. "You're . . . normal?"

"Normal?" asked Harry. He vaguely heard the door click shut behind him, seemingly on its own accord. "Yes, I'm . . . normal. Are you . . . normal?"

The man nodded and relaxed, letting his gun drop to his side. "Yes. I'm Leon Kennedy."

"Harry Mason." He paused and swallowed. This 'Leon' seemed more normal than most of the people he had met in Silent Hill, so he might as well . . . "Uh, have you seen a little girl? Short, black hair? Just turned seven last month?"

Leon slowly shook his head. ". . . No . . . The only people I've seen around here are the Ganados. Well, and that 'Luis', but he ran off. And he's not short. Though, he does have black hair."

"Ganados?" demanded Harry.

Leon looked at him oddly. "Yes. The Ganados. The . . . inhabitants . . . of this village."

"Ganado?" muttered Harry. "Doesn't that mean 'cattle'? But, uh, no, I haven't seen anyone."

"How could you miss them?!" Leon exclaimed incredulously. "They're all over - they swarm! And - and - then there's the guy with-" He made a slicing motion with his hands. "-with the thing - the chainsaw and the potato sack!"

Harry slowly shook his head and tightened his grip on his gun. "Ah, no, sorry. Haven't seen anyone like that."

Leon sighed and shook his head. "Well . . . they did all just go off to bingo, but . . ."

" _Bingo_?"

Leon ignored him. "Anyway, that doesn't really matter, I guess. Can I ask you a question, sir?"

". . . Yes."

"Have you seen a teenage girl? Short blond hair? Just turned twenty last week? Dressed like a road flare?"

Harry cautiously moved his head back and forth in a negative gesture.

Leon sighed. "Ah, well, then . . ." He began to move towards the door, and Harry backed away.

"Watch out for the Ganados," he said, opening the door. It shut behind him, and he was gone.

Harry was silent for a moment.

"What the hell just happened?"

Impulsively moving to follow the man, he opened the door and stepped out, only to find himself met with the horrific scenery of Silent Hill.

His radio began blaring static, though Harry was still.

Finally, he huffed:

"Goddamn it, Cheryl! First sewers, now a _hut_ in a village full of _cattle_ who play _bingo_? Where to next? I should just leave you here! Twenty seven _hours_ of _labor_ and this is how you _repay me_?!"


	2. Health Drink vs Herb

This, Harry Mason decided, was getting old.

He had once again been attempting to enter what he believed from the appearance of the door to be a hospital room, though he hadn't technically been _in_ Alchemilla Hospital. That wasn't particularly strange, though—he hadn't been in Dahlia's antique shop or Midwich Elementary School, either, but somehow he'd managed to visit rooms from both of those locations.

He'd taken to calling the incoherent mess 'Nowhere'.

He'd believed Nowhere only encompassed areas from Silent Hill, but Harry was fairly sure Silent Hill had no wooden huts.

"Goddamn it," he exclaimed, throwing his metal pipe across the room out of sheer frustration. "Not again!"

The pipe almost hit a man on the head, though he managed to dodge at the last moment. Instead, it smashed into a wooden crate and knocked the green potted plant that had been inside it to the ground.

The man was heavily armed, dressed in combat gear and holding a large, dangerous-looking shotgun.

But, he wasn't Leon.

"Who," he demanded, "are you?" Glimpsing movement out of the corner of his eye, he slid his gaze over and saw that the man was accompanied by a woman wearing a purple vest. She held a handgun.

"We're BSAA," the man said, pumping the shotgun.

He said 'BSAA' like Harry should know what it was.

"But you! Who are you? Why are you here? How come you aren't infected?"

Harry blinked. "Infected with what?"

"Don't play dumb!" the woman shouted. "You're working with Irving, aren't you? Why else would an American be here?"

Harry rubbed his forehead. That migraine that had developed during the last Otherworld shift was suddenly back in full force. "I'm looking for my daughter."

The two traded glances, lowering their guns slightly.

"She isn't blonde, is she?" the man finally asked. "A teenager? Because, uh . . ."

"No. She has short, black hair. She just turned seven last week. Answers to 'Cheryl'."

"A _seven_ year old girl?" the woman asked incredulously. "Out with all those Majini?"

Didn't 'Majini' mean 'evil spirit'? Now there were _evil spirits_ attacking?

"Where _am_ I?" he demanded again, raising his voice and taking a step forward. Their guns flew back up into his face, even as they looked at each other once more, questioningly.

The woman shrugged. "The Kijuju Autonomous Zone."

"'Kijuju Autonomous Zone'?" he repeated. What kind of name was _that_?

"In Africa."

" _Africa_?" _Africa?_ By stepping through a _door_ , he'd gone from a small, seriously disturbed town in America to a village in _Africa_? He'd jumped _continents_?

By walking through a goddamn door.

Harry felt something inside him snap.

"How can you not know where you are?" the woman continued. "How did you get here?"

"How did I get here?" His voice had a hysterical edge to it. "How? I found a fucking evil teleporting door, like that one in the hospital that took me to Spain with Leon with the evil geriatric cattle! Or that one in the school that took me to the second floor and completely ruined my sense of perception! Why?! Why, why did this happen to me?! 'Let's take a vacation, Daddy', she says, and what do I do? I take her on a goddamn vacation! To hell! We should've gone to Hawaii! But _noooo_ , 'I want to see Robbie the Rabbit, Daddy'! 'Silent Hill's so pretty, Daddy!' Too bad she didn't know about its fucking _death cult_! 'Foretold my gyromancy' my ass! And how old was Dahlia when she gave birth to Alessa, anyway? I don't buy it! And Lisa! How can you not know you're dead until you start bleeding from _every orifice on your body_? Tell me how!"

The man blinked. "I don't know, but I do know a guy who came back to life after being eviscerated."

"And now," Harry continued, unheeded, "I've run around like a chicken with my head cut off for I don't know how many days trying to save Cheryl from being, I don't know, sacrificed to Silent Hill's god or whatever it is they're trying to do to her, but somehow I wind up _in Africa_! And I'm _completely_ out of health drinks!"

Both the man and the woman suddenly looked pained.

"We're out of herbs," she said sadly. "I love herbs."

"I love health drinks," said Harry, sniffling. "They give you this little . . ."

They nodded in understanding, all abruptly giggling as if they were elementary school girls sharing a secret.

Then they cleared their throats, turning away from one another.

"Not an addict," the man muttered under his breath. "I'm not."

Shouts suddenly rang out, coming from somewhere in the distance. Harry couldn't make out the words; they weren't spoken in English.

"Majini!" the woman declared, suddenly perking up. "Let's go, Chris!"

Smiling widely, Chris pulled a grenade off his vest and followed her out a broken window. Explosions and gunshots soon followed, along with what sounded like perhaps a small nuclear missile detonating and a building collapsing. A chainsaw roared.

Harry stood and listened until a stream of men began slowly approaching the window, axes and sickles held in their decaying hands. Their eyes were yellow.

"Well . . . this is different."

Harry bolted for the door, flinging it open and stumbling through. He slammed it behind him, and almost gave a sigh of relief upon realizing he was staring at a filthy, purely Silent-Hillish wall.

For a long moment, he had no words.

Finally, all he could manage was:

"Goddamn it, Cheryl. We should've left you at an orphanage!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire cast of Resident Evil is comprised of addicts, Chris. Your argument is invalid.

**Author's Note:**

> This is really old, but I decided to move it from fanfiction.net anyway. I have no explanation. Especially for the ending.
> 
> -Anna


End file.
